A giant Canada goose and gander lead their goslings through a packed parking lot Friday May 11, 2001 in Columbus, Ohio. The increase in the Giant Canada Geese population is a good illustartion of wildlife changes in Ohio over the past few decades. (AP Photo/Jay LaPrete)
Photo: Staff Writer
Photo: Staff Writer

A Canada Goose ain’t afraid of no human

These winged, blacktop terrors are not to be toyed with

One thing is abundantly clear this time of year: the king of the concrete jungle does not roar.

He barks and honks.

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I am of course talking about Canadian geese.

Don’t tell them.

The last thing I need is a flock of these winged, blacktop terrors invading my landscape.

We all know this species well.

They are the big ole, gray-bodied birds with a black head and a long black neck that do whatever they want whenever they want.

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Despite the name, the Canadian geese in these parts aren’t even from the Great White North.

Canadian geese are causing some controversy in a Long Island village.
Photo: Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

They are Buckeyes, not Canucks.

In the early 1950s, the Ohio Division of Wildlife reintroduced Canadian Geese to the state, and they made themselves right at home, raising generations of offspring.

Nowadays they live like bosses.

And they have left their marks (if you get my drift) on our most sacred institutions: buildings, bike paths, schools, banks…

Lines of Canadian geese do not obey traffic laws. They walk across the street whenever and wherever they want.

A Canada goose, one of three hanging out in the parking lot near COMPUSA at 221 Springboro Pike. Photo by Ed Roberts
Photo: Staff Writer

No police officer worth his or her salt would ever attempt to give a Canada goose a jaywalking ticket.

Canadian geese go (if you know what I mean) wherever they want.

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There is no one walking behind them with a plastic Kroger bag, pooper scooper or a litter box shovel.

“It” stays where “it” landed, if you know what I mean.

For those among us who get the reference (Google “Honey Badger video” if you don’t), Canadian geese are the Honey Badgers of the sky and land.

They don’t need your approval.

They don’t want you to pet them. Seriously, don’t try to pet a Canada goose. That would be a mistake.

Google “Canada goose attack” if you don’t believe me.

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Let them graze your lawn and splash in the water, but do not take Canadian geese for fools.

Deeming Canada geese a nuisance Downtown, the Columbus Department of Recreation and Parks hired a company to round up and euthanize 250 geese. TOM DODGE/THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH FILE PHOTO
Photo: Staff Writer

Branta canadensis is not to be toyed with.

They ain’t afraid of no ghost and they ain’t afraid of no human.

Get too close to a Canada goose in that loving mood (if you know what I mean) and he’ll let you know why that was a mistake.

Get too close to one of their eggs or goslings, and you will hear all about it.

Canadian geese have things to do and places to go.

Respect that or hear its roar, well, honk.

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