I’ve been reading “All About Love” by Bell Hooks and she suggests that most writings about love are from the perspective of men.
She writes: “All my life I have thought of love as primarily a topic women contemplate with greater intensity and vigor than anybody else on the planet. I still hold this belief even though visionary female thinking on the subject has yet to be taken as seriously as the thoughts and writings of men. Men theorize about love, but women are more often love’s practitioners. Most men feel that they receive love and therefore know what it feels like to be loved; women often feel we are in a constant state of yearning, wanting love but not receiving it.”
Women are more often the practitioners of love. Isn’t that the truth?
Now, when I say I’ve never had a meal made for me, that’s not including the times where he may have grilled some meat while I completed the rest of the cookout foods. Or maybe some mac and cheese was made for the whole family, and I got a bite. I think there may have been a time when BLTs were created in haste and, yes, I ate one. A handful of times an extra PB&J or turkey sandwich was made alongside theirs, for me, mostly out of convenience. I mean, the bread is already out.
I’m really speaking to a meal cooked for me — not the family. Not as an extra to whatever he was eating but a meal made just for me. Even while writing this, I can’t help but feel like a princess whose high maintenance needs were never met. But I shouldn’t, right?
If both genders were equally the practitioners of love, surely this event would happen with near equal regularity to the many times I made a special meal just for them. Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Days and more were all celebrated with whatever meal they chose or at least something I suspected they would love. If not the meal, there was always a handcrafted dessert in their favorite flavor.
I mean, the countless times I designed menus and developed recipes to suit an occasion or taste of a partner is far too many to count. The same way I write love letters and notes on the bathroom mirror. Or scour the grocery store shelves for a sweet surprise to gift. These things come naturally to me perhaps because I’m a writer, a chef and a natural born romantic.
But to my male readers, and I know there are only a few, let this be a Valentine’s Day challenge for you. I want you to be the practitioner of love for a day. Don’t just buy — do. Don’t just call for reservations, plan the menu, go to the grocery store, shop for the ingredients, carve out the time to create the meal. And, listen, it doesn’t have to be a 15-step beef bourguignon.
It can be as simple as a linguine with clams and chocolate mousse for dessert. Furthermore, it doesn’t even have to be good. It just has to be thoughtful.
Make something speckled with crushed pistachios because she loves pistachio ice cream. Grate some lemon zest on top of the salad because she can’t get enough of winter citrus. Recreate her favorite eggplant curry from the local takeout spot. Make a pot of decaf to enjoy after dinner if she’s always ordering it at restaurants.
And serve it all on real dishes. Bonus points if you set the table.
”But First, Food” columnist Whitney Kling is a recipe developer who lives in southwest Ohio with her four kids and a cat. She is also the owner of Fête in The Silos in downtown Dayton.
Old School Chocolate Mousse
This recipe is from Deb Perelman at Smitten Kitchen and is as reliable and simple as it is impressive. While mousse seems complicated, it isn’t. Whatever you do, shop for good quality chocolate as that selection makes or breaks the flavor of this classic dessert.
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (no more than 60% cacao), chopped
3/4 stick (3 ounces) unsalted butter, cut into 6 pieces
3 large eggs, separated
1 tablespoon Cognac or other brandy
1 cup very cold heavy whipping cream
1/8 teaspoon salt
You will need one large heatproof, two medium and one small mixing bowl and your electric hand mixer. Set the large bowl over a saucepan of barely simmering water and melt the chocolate and butter in it, gently stirring it until smooth. Remove from heat. In the small bowl, beat yolks with your electric mixer until thick enough to form a ribbon that takes a few seconds to dissolve.
This will take about two to four minutes to achieve. Whisk yolks into chocolate mixture along with Cognac, then cool to warm.
In one of the medium bowls, beat the cream with cleaned beaters until it just holds stiff peaks. In the other medium bowl, beat the egg whites and salt with cleaned beaters until they just hold soft peaks. Fold the whipped cream and beaten whites into the chocolate mixture, gently but thoroughly. Transfer to 8 (4 ounce) ramekins or one large serving bowl, or go restaurant-style, serving it in stemmed glasses with dark chocolate shavings or sliced strawberries on top.
Do ahead: Mousse can be chilled, its surface covered with parchment paper, for up to two days. Let come to room temperature for at least 30 minutes before serving.
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