But once again, it appears, I’m hopelessly out of step with modern American life.
Because just when I thought that disheveled hair, scraggly whiskers and not tucking in my shirt tails could keep me appearing young and hip, I learned that looking sloppy was not enough.
According to a press release from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, “more men are going under the knife.”
Based upon “the latest quantitative research,” the ASPS declared that:
• Last year, men underwent 1.1 million cosmetic procedures.
• In 2008, just 8 percent of plastic surgeries were performed on men. Last year, the figure rose to 13 percent.
• In 2010, face lifts for men rose 14 percent, liposuction increased 7 percent and breast reductions rose 6 percent.
The “type” of men going under the knife has also changed. More and more, doctors are seeing average guys who want to look as good as they feel. These are the active “men’s men” that you might not think would have plastic surgery.
The reason, the release added, has more to do with economics than vanity.
“They want a fighting chance against younger men in the work force and they aren’t as embarrassed about having a little work done.”
Which sounds a lot better than “they want a fighting chance against younger men in picking up younger women during happy hour.”
But it’s still not enough to make me want to let a surgeon carve me up like a jack-o’-lantern.
It’s possible, I suppose, that plastic surgery might help my career, although I don’t see how liposuction would improve my writing and I’d like to think that the reason I’m not the editor of The New York Times today has nothing to do with the size of my breasts.
So I think I’ll hold off on the plastic surgery for a while, because I know it’s expensive, it sounds like a lot of discomfort and I don’t feel like sitting around all day with a bag of frozen peas on my face.
And there’s always that fear I might wind up looking like Joan Rivers.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.
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