Lesson 2: Silverware in the clothes dryer does not fall into the quiet category.
In our home, a dull moment is usually the Calm Before the Storm.
Lesson 3: The Storm will hit when you are least expecting it and always when you are out of town.
Someone in our family must have commented — out loud — that we have all been pretty healthy this year. It wasn’t me; I learned that lesson (never, ever, ever verbalize the pristine health of your family) last year.
My husband and I scheduled a few days away together sans kids and wham! I was clobbered by a cootie of epic proportions, as was my oldest son.
We no sooner than parked the car when my cellphone began ringing: “Hi. It’s your mom. Where are the children’s Tylenol and Clorox wipes?”
Nothing makes a mom who is already feeling sick feel worse than knowing her child is also sick and she isn’t there with him.
Between doses of ibuprofen and Robitussin, I wore out the numbers on my phone.
“How is he? Can he go to school? His temp is how high?! I’ll call the pediatrician.”
My only solace was in knowing my mother is a retired nurse and cooties don’t faze her. My son was in good care.
Lesson 4: Do not skip the flu shot. Ever.
When we returned our son was on the mend, and I was improving, too. But, not to be outdone, our 7-year-old son then joined the ranks of Ick.
Lesson 5: Never disregard your child when he says he has a stomachache.
Another brief Calm followed. My husband left on a business trip and then the Princess got in on the action with an ear infection.
Lesson 6: When your child is holding her ear and screaming bloody murder at 4:30 a.m. she’s not joking.
But for her, the ear infection wasn’t enough. She topped it off with (what appeared to me to be a horrifying, slow-motion) header down a flight of stairs and a fall from a kitchen stool, which also came down on top of her.
Lessons 7, 8, 9 and 10: Stickers from the doctor’s office do not easily peel off of car windows, kids bounce, nerves do have a shattering point and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Minis make everything better (especially if you wait until the kids are in bed and you do not have to share).
About the Author