The book explains how focused listening can become the key to growing more love and self-control in your relationships. The narrative explains barriers to effective communication and specific techniques to attain healthier relationships. The three most important points in the book, Sweeten says, are: 1) The key to caring, healthy relationships, influence and change are learning skills, not the authors’ words, knowledge or education; 2) these skills can be learned, and 3) what you say can have death-or-life implications.
A life changer
“One woman recently wrote me, ‘These skills have changed my life. They saved my marriage, helped me understand my kids and listen to God,’ ” said Sweeten, who earned a doctorate in counseling after seeing students suffering from trauma and addiction as associate dean of students at the University of Cincinnati in the 1970s.
Besides Sweeten, Dave Ping and Anne Clippard contributed to the book. Clippard is a professional counselor, licensed social worker, wife, mother of five and grandmother of nine. She and Ping co-authored “Quick-to-Listen Leaders,” and she wrote the Freeing the Family course. She had to use those listening skills when one of her 15-year-old daughters came home from school and wanted to talk.
“She began to pour out her heart. I had to remind myself to listen and not react. She then told me about her friends that were experimenting with smoking, drugs, sex, etc.,” Clippard said.
“After 45 minutes of reflecting her concerns, her fears and all the pressure she was under, she jumped up, gave me a big hug and said, ‘Mom, I have really seen you grow a lot.’ ”
If the mom had been anxiously thinking, “Of course, my daughter is doing these things, too, since her friends are,” she wouldn’t have been actively listening.
Without effective listening, you may find yourself on a different wavelength from the speaker. It consists of identifying the feeling content and thought content that you hear and tentatively summarizing or paraphrasing what you hear in your own words
Learn to listen
“One of the most important principles of this book for today’s families is that listening is learned. You teach others how to listen to you by the way you listen, or fail to listen, to them,” said Ping, executive director of Equipping Ministries International.
“When you take time to listen with genuine warmth, empathy and respect, they tend to feel and act differently toward you.”
EMI is having a Golf Balls From Heaven picnic/fundraiser from 4 to 8 p.m. June 5 at Tri-County’s Golden Tee Golf Center in Cincinnati.
For information, call (800) 364-4769 or go to www.equippingministries.org.
Contact contributing writer Pamela Dillon at pamdillon@woh.rr.com.
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