D.L. Stewart: Are there any silver linings behind the coronavirus cloud?

Staff photo by Marshall Gorby

Staff photo by Marshall Gorby

Are we having fun yet?

Cheer up! If you sort of squint your eyes, tilt your head a little to the left and look hard enough, you might be able to glimpse some silver linings behind the coronavirus cloud that’s been darkening our days.

Sure, the stock market is down, but so are crime statistics in many cities. The reasons are obvious: there are fewer people on the street to mug and more people are at home most of the day, leaving fewer opportunities for burglars. All of which makes it really tough on criminals, many of whom will never see those $1,200 checks the government is supposed to be doling out. Although maybe they’ll find a way to get yours.

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“Comfort food” is making a comeback. Confronted with a plague of biblical proportions sweeping across the world, people are saying, “the heck with kale, let us eat cake.” Or Lucky Charms. Or Cinnamon Toast Crunch, whatever that is. According to USA Today, the sales of sugary cereals are “booming” as families turn to things like cereal to “instill a sense of what’s familiar.”

And it’s not just what’s for breakfast. Sales of Goldfish crackers increased 23 percent last month. Spam is experiencing a “strong demand.” Conagra Brands is reporting “high velocities” for sales of Slim Jim jerky. None of those things is particularly healthful, but who has time worry about whether your jerky is made with free-range beef or with month-old weasel?

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The price of gasoline is tanking, although that may have more to do with Saudi Arabia and/or Russia than coronavirus. Not that it matters, because there are hardly any places open to which you can drive. As a result, there’s less traffic on the highways, so some auto insurance companies are reducing their rates. I wouldn’t get too excited about that, either, though. Insurance companies are a great deal like airline companies; they’ll find some way to get that money back, unless the world comes to an end first. Or even if it does.

With all the attention being paid to this pandemic, the news media is pretty much shoving politics onto the back page. Although whether that’s a silver lining is debatable. Would you rather view endless coverage of talking heads on television nagging you to keep your distance and wash your hands, or interminable television ads by candidates blaming each other for just about everything?

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Either way, most medical experts agree that the pandemic will leave plenty of time before November for Donald Trump and Joe Biden to flood the airwaves with their ads.

Which proves again what I’ve always believed:

Behind every silver lining there’s a dark cloud.

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