Mary McCarty
Commentary
When I attended Kristi and Dustin Frazier’s wedding in August 2006, they seemed like a golden couple: smart, successful, loving. We couldn’t help envisioning motherhood and an unclouded future for our longtime baby sitter, who had been so caring to our own children.
But in May 2007, Kristi was diagnosed with Stage 2B breast cancer that had spread to her lymph nodes. Two weeks later, she found out that she was pregnant.
It should have been the happiest moment of her life, but she spent the day crying. “My first thought was, ‘Why would God do this to me? Why do I have to give up my baby?’ Nothing was happy about it.”
That was before she called her oncologist, who told her, “Come in, and we’ll discuss your options.”
Everything changed with that one little word — options.
It meant a slight delay in her treatment, and a slight change in her treatment protocol.
It meant the birth of daughter Addison on Nov. 27, 2007, two months’ premature. Her parents brought her home four weeks later, a small miracle — and a potent symbol of the importance of exercising your options.
The 1997 Chaminade-Julienne High School graduate already had learned that lesson the hard way. In 2006, she went to her gynecologist concerned about a lump in her breast. “My doctor assured me it was fibrocystic area in my breast that is very common in young women,” she recalled. “I trusted my doctor.” The implicit message: 26-year-old women don’t get breast cancer.
A year later, the lump hadn’t gone away, and Kristi was told the same thing. This time, however, she insisted on consulting a breast specialist. That delayed diagnosis meant that cancer had gotten a head start. “I was told that I have a 50 percent chance of surviving beyond 10 years,” she recalled. “I’m used to being an A student, and 50 percent sounded terrible. I decided, ‘Why focus on the number?’”
After Addison’s birth, Kristi underwent 35 rounds of radiation and intensive rounds of chemotherapy. “Sometimes I felt cheated,” she admitted. “We couldn’t be the family of three I always pictured. It put stress on all of us. Yet the baby was something very positive to focus on. With kids, you don’t have the option of giving up.”
By Christmas 2008, her cancer was in remission. The couple’s son, Chase, was born in January 2010.
No longer a bystander
For a time, Kristi and Dustin lived the life of a typical, young married family with two toddlers, living in suburban Columbus where Dustin works as a lawyer. This spring, when the couple was thinking about having another child, Kristi decided to check out a nagging cough that wouldn’t seem to go away. A CT scan revealed that the cancer had spread to her lungs. Further scans showed cancer in the liver, bones and brain. This time, it wasn’t curable.
After her diagnosis in April, she underwent 12 cycles of Whole Brain Radiation — her lifetime limit — and a few cycles of chemo. After her terrible adverse reaction to the chemo, her doctors were planning on putting her on another regimen before she decided to discontinue traditional treatments.
“I don’t want to be a bystander in my own life,” she explained. “I want to raise my children. That’s my job and my passion, and I wouldn’t give it up for the world. That’s what I’m here for. I would be so sad if I had to sit back and watch it.”
Kristi, now 32, is still a believer in conventional medicine and will revisit her medical options. For now, however, she has adopted a strict vegan diet, completely organic, with no sugar or salt, and healthy portions of raw fruits and vegetables.
“Other than minor aches and pains, and a little cough, I feel good,” she said. “The devastation hasn’t gone away, because the prognosis isn’t good. But I can’t focus on that. Everything I do throughout my day is intent on erasing my cancer and raising my two kids. I visualize myself holding my grandchildren.”
‘I’ve learned perspective’
The cancer has taken away so much, yet, Kristi said, “I’ve learned perspective. It’s really a gift to be able to look at things that seemed so big to me before and to realize that they’re not. I appreciate the moments with my kids. Even when they’re driving me crazy, I smile inside, just happy to be in their presence.”
The past few months also have been a time of spiritual reawakening. “I’m more focused on seeking a deeper relationship with God,” Kristi said. “I wish none of this had ever happened, but I know I’m a better person because of it.”
Kristi’s sister, Julie Sacksteder Sobel of suburban Cleveland, said, “Her trust in God is huge right now, and it’s comforting to see that. She’s putting it in God’s hands completely.”
When Julie went to get her first mammogram at 25, the staffers at the breast center demanded, “What are you doing here?” and tried to send her away. “Attitudes need to change,” she said. “It’s more and more common for young women to be diagnosed.”
Young women with breast cancer may be “statistically insignificant,” as the actuaries like to phrase it, but they are not statistics. They are young mothers, such as Kristi Sacksteder Frazier, living her life to the fullest despite the recurrence of her cancer.
‘I know that God put us together’
Kristi gains strength from her family, friends and her faith — and most of all from her two children and from the husband she married on a golden fall day only five years ago.
“Dustin is the most loving person ever — I can tell by the way he looks at me,” Kristi said. “I know that God put us together.”
This Saturday, Kristi will walk with the “Kickin’ It With Kristi” team, headed by her mother, Terri Deger of Kettering, in the Making Strides Against Cancer walk at Fifth Third Field.
Kristi feels emotionally lifted by the events surrounding Breast Cancer Awareness Month: “When you’re diagnosed, you can feel so alone. This reminds me that I’m not alone, and there are many other women in my situation. We are all warriors.”
Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2209 or mmccarty@ DaytonDailyNews.com.
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