The Bengals will score a touchdown … probably

Apple has rolled out the red carpet for its new iPhone, which costs about a thousand dollars. This “phone” reportedly has a bunch of amazing features. I wouldn’t know since I use a sleek iPhone 5c. Unless this new model can spit out a great cheeseburger, I’m not interested.

I tuned in a few minutes late for the Bengals-Texans game Thursday night. About a minute later, the Bengals failed to pick up an easy first down and the boos began. There will be a lot of boos this season in Cincinnati, where the Bengals have yet to find the end zone.

The Bengals lost to Houston, 13-9, to start the season 0-2. To be fair, Cincinnati has played two teams that are serious about defense. (The Browns get their shot at the Ravens today. Good luck, DeShone Kizer.) This kind of start is not what lame-duck coach Marvin Lewis needs. Up next: a trip to Green Bay. Not good. Hello, Sam Darnold?

UD received a verbal commitment from Dwayne Cohill. The 6-foot-2 guard from Parma Heights is a top-100 recruit according to the folks who study teenage basketball talent like kids study video games. This is a great get by Flyers coach Anthony Grant.

One disturbing part of Cohill’s recruitment: Former UD coach Archie Miller backed off when the combo guard cracked the top 100, according to the prospect. Archie apparently didn’t think he had a shot at Cohill. Probably not the kind of intestinal fortitude you want from your Flyers coach.

ESPN's College GameDay is setting up shop in the college football hotbed of New York City for Week 4. Huh? Maybe Fordham has cracked some obscure rankings. This feels like a publicity stunt (and a snub of flyover country) by a network that has made some strange decisions lately. Maybe being in the Big Apple will mask some of the production snafus the show has experienced.

Jackson Carman, a 5-star recruit from Fairfield, is in the middle of a Twitter firestorm. Carman and another hot-shot football recruit took to social media after Ohio State melted down against Oklahoma, calling for the benching of J.T. Barrett. That's a popular sentiment around these parts, but it's not Carman's place to pop off. I'm guessing he'll end up at USC, where he can tweet all day.

Luke Kennard looks good in those White-Allen commercials. The kid from Franklin is polished and comes off as relaxed and sincere. The spot was a great test run for Kennard, who has some good tape for future endorsement deals. I hope he drives a Chevrolet or Ford, especially since he'll be starting his NBA career in Detroit.

Beth Mowins did a great job calling the late game last week on Monday Night Football. A big deal was made about a woman chatting about the Broncos-Chargers game, but college football fans know Mowins. She's worked many games on Saturdays. Now maybe she can mentor that sideline reporter, who was in way over his head.

Trending up: Rafael Nadal, Aaron Judge, Tribe. Nadal won the U.S. Open last week, raising his Grand Slam total to 16. The Spaniard won 21 of 24 sets in the tournament. He didn't meet Roger Federer in the finals, much to the chagrin of the tony NYC tennis crowd. That ticket would've been the sport's equivalent of a front-row Taylor Swift ducat.

Trending down: Craig Carton, Mike Fiers, Jon Jones. Carton, Boomer Esiason's former radio sidekick, resigned from WFAN in NYC after he was charged with running a $5 million Ponzi scheme to pay off gambling debts. Carton allegedly took money from investors who thought they were putting their cash behind a ticket-reselling business.

Knucklehead of the Week

Zander Diamont knows about drama; the former Indiana backup quarterback is the son of a soap opera star. One thing he is not: a fan of Dan Dakich, former Hoosier/former basketball coach/current TV & radio guy. Diamont called out Dakich on Twitter, calling him a “hater.” Dakich, who is not afraid to share his opinion, fired back and things escalated. The sensitive Diamont challenged Dakich to a fight in the “octagon,” saying, “I’d put your face in the cement old man.” Dakich is 55, Diamont 22. As Billy Batts (RIP) said in Goodfellas, “Now go home and get your shinebox (Zander).”

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