MARK WAHLBERG ASKS POPE’S FOREGIVENESS FOR “TED”: Pontiff asks for his money back for “Transformers: Age of Extinction.”
RAPPER FETTY WAP ISSUED SUMMONS AFTER MOTORCYCLE CRASH: Fetty wap was also the sound he made hitting the ground.
APPLE iPHONE 6S SETS NEW SALES RECORD IN FIRST WEEKEND: Guarantee of no U2 songs helped.
“HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2” SETS SEPTEMBER RECORD WITH $47.5M: Audiences weren’t aware it starred Adam Sandler.
KALEY CUOCO AND RYAN SWEETING TO DIVORCE AFTER 21-MONTH MARRIAGE: He didn’t know enough physics.
“STAR WARS” LAND CONSTRUCTION TO CLOSE PARTS OF DISNEYLAND PARK: Clark Griswold punches the Yoda sign in the face.
KENNY ROGERS WILL RETIRE AFTER NEXT TOUR: You’ve got to known when to walk away, and when to run.
SIGOURNEY WEAVER TO APPEAR IN “GHOSTBUSTERS” REBOOT: Ray Parker Jr. presumptively begins writing second song.
KANYE WEST SAYS HE’S “DEFINITELY” RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT: He’ll be the first loser to interrupt the swearing in ceremony.
JASON MOMOA SAYS AQUAMAN IS “MEANER AND UPSET” IN WARNERS’ DC MOVIES: Two words: Saltwater chafing.
“HOME ALONE” RETURNING TO THEATERS FOR 25TH ANNIVERSARY: Macaulay Culkin asks if you want butter on your popcorn.
TOM HANKS GOT ORDAINED FOR $35 TO OFFICIATE ALLISON WILLIAMS’ WEDDING: Rita Wilson worried about a possible vow of celibacy.
SEAN ASTIN SAYS THERE WILL BE A “GOONIES” SEQUEL SOMEDAY: He’s already got his braces back on.
NICKI MINAJ TO PRODUCE ABC FAMILY SHOW ABOUT HER EARLY LIFE: “Before the Booty.”
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL
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