“LATE SHOW” CUE-CARD GUY FIRED AFTER ASSAULTING WRITER: Last cue card read: “Ow, ow, stop it, ow!”
PEYTON MANNING BREAKS NFL RECORD FOR TOUCHDOWN PASSES: Moving on to Brett Favre’s record of consecutive days in Wranglers.
FORMER “BUFFY” ACTOR NICHOLAS BRENDON ARRESTED: OK with arrest, but asks not to be referred to as “former ‘Buffy’ actor.”
PITBULL TO HOST AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS AGAIN: Just when they got the stains out of the red carpet.
BBC TO LAUNCH “DR. WHO” ONLINE GAME FOR KIDS: Kids think he’s the most educated in Whoville.
JAY LENO HONORED WITH MARK TWAIN PRIZE: Twain rolls over, says: “The ‘headlines’ guy?”
TOYS R US PULLS “BREAKING BAD” TOYS: They needed shelf space for “50 Shades of Grey Barbie.”
MADONNA SAYS HER INFAMOUS BRITNEY SPEARS KISS WAS “WORTH IT”: Dabbing a cold sore, Britney disagrees.
QUEEN GUITARIST EXHIBITS VICTORIAN 3-D PHOTOS: Most feature lords, ladies, Vincent Price.
MONICA LEWINSKY JOINS TWITTER: First follow is Anthony Weiner.
HASBRO WORKING ON “MY LITTLE PONY” MOVIE: Midnight shows planned for “Bronies.”
VINNIE JONES JOINS “ARROW” AT VILLAIN BRICK: He’s built like an Amazon.
KATY PERRY CANCELS 30TH BIRTHDAY BASH IN EGYPT AMID “SAFETY CONCERNS”: Afraid of terrorists, mummies.
PETER JACKSON’S “HOBBIT” TRILOGY COST $745 MILLION: The orcs unionized.
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL
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