SUDDES: Should Kettering, Oakwood, Centerville and Washington Township merge for state money?

Meanwhile, in Central Ohio, say, where the blob known as Columbus already reaches into neighboring Delaware and Fairfield counties, mate Bexley, Whitehall and Columbus’s Eastmoor neighborhood into a new municipality called, maybe, “Centrum.” (Fashion zillionaire Leslie H. Wexner long ago coined the name “Easton” for his swank northeast Franklin County development.)

Shrinking the number of Ohio cities and village and townships is the aim of Ohio House Bill 574, sponsored by GOP state Reps. John K. (Jack) Daniels, of Summit County’s New Franklin, and Michael Dovilla, of Berea.

Their plan would offer cities, villages and townships that merge a maximum one-time state grant of $2.5 million. Subdivisions seeking to merge – that aren’t cities, villages or townships – would be eligible for a maximum of $1 million.

Either sum, $2.5 million or $1 million, might seem like a heap of cash. But consider local government’s expenses.

Eyeball a for-instance: Data compiled by the International Association of Fire Fighters, the AFL-CIO union, and the American Economic Liberties Project found “that that the average price of a pumper truck has doubled in the last decade, now often reaching $1 million, while ladder trucks can exceed $2 million,” the International Fire & Safety Journal reported earlier this year.

That is, considering spiraling municipal costs, even a $2.5 million freebie from Columbus may be scanty, especially when an army of harrumphing local mayors would have to in effect fire themselves if their burgs merged with others.

Does Ohio have too many local governments that have functionally unaccountable power over Ohioans’ lives and property? It sure does.

According to the Census Bureau, Ohio had 3,939 local governments in 2022, which employed hundreds of thousands of Ohioans; a plurality is in education-related jobs, followed by police; (public) hospitals; welfare; and corrections (jails and prisons). In fact, the worst local-government bloat in Ohio is probably its many (too many) school boards (600-plus) – and the number and reach of “special [government] districts,” entities whose powers and financial clout may be far greater than their bland names suggest.

Good examples: Port authorities; conservancy districts; and the JobsOhio economic development set-up, the latter outfit funded by profits gleaned by Ohio’s liquor monopoly, conveniently named the Jobs Ohio Beverage System – yes, JOBS. JOBS Ohio was conceived and realized by GOP Gov. John R.Kasich.

As for port authorities, they’re hardly just docks and hawsers; don’t expect to see Japanese freighters – say, an imaginary “Honda Maru” – steaming down the Great Miami; but know something you likely don’t, that the port authority – like sister Ohio agencies– can help fund “long-term fixed rate financing for real estate development, adaptive reuse, public improvements, energy efficiency, and company/organization expansion.”

So, while cutting the number of Ohio cities, villages and townships has some curb appeal, few if any localities would likely be tempted by a one-time $2.5 million handout. And in human but no less pertinent terms, few would be the number of bigshots – or Ohioans who think they are – willing to surrender the title “mayor” in exchange for a supposedly thriftier city or village.

What would really save Ohioans money, which Daniels and Dovilla aim for, would be asking Ohio voters to convert the two-house General Assembly to a one-house (“unicameral”) legislature, like Nebraska’s.

“Unicamerals” make it plain who’s doing what to whom – at what price, in liberty or money – without the procedural hide-behinds Ohio conference committees habitually use.