Three funny stories from the front lines

Funny stories from the front lines of mommyhood, three vignettes from a household that’s constantly in motion:

Just say no

We’re all milling about the kitchen during that “sweet spot” of the day — 4:30 p.m. — after youngest’s nap, older two kids unwinding from school and looking for a snack, dad starting dinner :), just before mom’s mad rush to get to work at 6ish p.m. We all have a moment to take a breath and inquire about each other’s day.

Cell phone buzzes in the pocket of 13-year-old’s gym shorts, announcing incoming text. He checks it and sprints for the door, saying he’s headed to the park.

About 30 minutes later, he strolls back into the kitchen. I reach UP (!) to give him a hug and ask him what was so urgent at the park.

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He says that the girl he likes was there.

I ask, “Have you kissed her?”

He laughs, looks away, and says no.

Still holding onto him like a mother bear playfully wrestling with her cub, I ask if he’s kissed anyone yet.

He laughs again. “No.”

Mom: “Would you tell me if you had?”

Son: (more laughing) “No!”

Comedy central

“Twilight” has entered our house.

My 10-year-old daughter, an avid reader — to put it mildly — finally borrowed the popular book from a friend and finished it the very next night!

I said to her, “You basically just read whenever your eyes are open, don’t you?”

Daughter: “I read whenever I’m not supposed to be doing something else.”

She paused, then added: “And sometimes I read when I am supposed to be doing something else.”

Comedic timing, just like her mom.

Spilling the beans

There’s no getting around it: Working moms miss things. I’m luckier than some because I’m home during the day with the kids, but I do miss the occasional field hockey game or teacher conference while I’m on the late shift.

Case in point: I couldn’t make it to the spring choral concert that my 13-year-old son was performing in (chorus is a class that he wouldn’t have chosen by his own volition, but it beats music appreciation homework).

It’s 7:28 p.m., and I’m knee-deep into editing a pile of stories for the next day’s newspapers.

My phone buzzes.

Text from Hubby: “r’s group sang good ... d didn’t make it to the potty on time and pooped in his pants. all in all a fun time!”

New package of Batman underwear, size 4T: $4.99.

Unlimited text messaging: Priceless.

To read more of Lucy Baker’s blogs, visit DaytonDaily News.com/go/mommy, or share your own funny parenting moments at 937Moms.com.

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