Among my lady friends, one may think her butt looks too big, another may be shocked when a quick glance in the mirror reveals lines and sagging that seemed to appear overnight. Another may feel like a loser after a tough week at work.
I wouldn’t know. It’s understood: We don’t talk about it.
Don’t get me wrong. We made, “Hooray!” for Lori as she lost 30 pounds this summer through a great program of diet and exercise. And we “oohed and ahhhed” over Tricia’s new haircut and color that makes her sapphire blue eyes pop. And they can be amazing compassionate women who hold you for a good cry.
It’s just that we long ago decided there is no place in our group for self-deprecating remarks.
Just try to get out one, “I’m so fat that ...” or “I’m terrible at this ...” among our ladies. Before you’ve even finished your statement, you’ll be met with a barrage of, “PING!”
It stands for “Personal Issues That Need to Go!”
It’s not that we’re a bunch of robots spewing and believing only good things about ourselves 24/7. Rather, we simply appreciate that with our busy lives, the time we spend together as girlfriends is sacred. We’re each free to go obsess endlessly in the mirror by ourselves -- just don’t do it on our girlfriends’ time.
It’s one of the reasons why we joyfully refer to our group as, “The Pretty Ladies.” We enjoy the pretty.
You want to meet for a run to get in better shape? Brainstorm on what you want to create for your career and life? I’ve had these women drop everything to do that for me, as I do with great joy for them. It’s not a great crowd for remaining stuck in “Woe is me.” It’s just the right group when you want to create, “Wow!”
Woe vs. Wow!
It’s something I learned from my pal, Christopher Voelker. As one of the hottest photographers in Hollywood, he knows all about the pretty, creating gorgeous images of celebrities for album covers, publicity shots and just generally making the beautiful people look even more beautiful.
Oh yeah, he happens to do all that from his wheelchair, where he’s been since a biking accident in 1977 that broke his neck. So yes, his body sure has some things that don’t work well. “I can’t stand and the use of my hands is compromised,” he’ll explain if you ask.
However, he’s much more excited to tell you about the things his body does really well. He’s got a great eye and creative vision, both key talents to making him a successful studio photographer. He believes his real secret sauce is the result of his accident every bit as much as his wheelchair is. “Because of my injury,” he told me this week, “I’m more open and more interested in other people’s stories. That helps me make photos that reflect the reality of an individual. I have no doubt that I’m a better photographer and person than I would’ve been if the accident hadn’t happened.”
As I was catching up with Chris the other day, I thought of telling him the theory of “PING!” when I realized it was probably a waste of his time. Here’s a man who’s walking the walk better than most of us — yes, from his wheelchair.
When he’s not shooting celebrities, he’s busy mentoring other disabled folks around the world who have an interest in photography. He’s created amazing adaptations around his studio including a 20-foot hydraulic lift that lets him shoot from all heights and angles and bigger buttons to control his camera and lights. “I want folks to know if they can move their head, they can take a picture,” he says with great passion.
It sounds like he gets even more joy out of helping people than out of working with the biggest names in Hollywood. It helps him maneuver around the poop of life.
“It’s a choice,” he explains. “I can sit around and think, ‘Woe is me. I’m in a wheelchair,’ or “Wow! Look at what this person can do!”
So what kind of friend are you? A Woe or a Wow? Are you up for trying “PING” with your friends for a week or a month? I’d love to hear how it works for you. It’s all about spreading the pretty.
Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily Web cast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”
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