Second Thoughts: Death, taxes and the #@$#! Patriots in the Super Bowl

I went to Best Buy to purchase a birthday gift for Jill. Two things stood out: the massive 82-inch TV near the front door, and the fact that Best Buy sells Crock-Pots. No, I did not get Jill a slow cooker for her birthday. I’m deeply offended that you would even go there.

It's Super Bowl Sunday, which means beer distributors and the folks who make Velveeta are doing continuous touchdown celebrations. We'll all gather 'round the Zenith (they still make those?) and hold our noses as the Patriots take part in the game for the eighth time this century. Just repeat after me: "Tom Brady's getting old, Tom Brady's getting old …"

Three predictions for the Big Game: 1) The Eagles will control the line of scrimmage, win the time-of-possession battle, wear better uniforms … and still lose. 2) Janet Jackson will be a surprise on-stage guest of Justin Timberlake during the halftime show. She’ll be wearing a thick sweater and scarf, just to be safe. 3) The underdog Dilly Dilly subjects will run a trick play and swipe that mound of Bud Light from their well-armed adversaries.

Super Bowl viewership peaked at 114.4 million for the 2015 matchup (the game the Seahawks gave away). Ratings have dipped slightly the last two years, and I predict that trend will continue. The nation is suffering from the flu and Patriots Fatigue. Plus, the national anthem controversy has not been forgotten in many households. The NFL remains king, but it has some issues.

The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, one of the most iconic stadiums in the world, is now the United Airlines Memorial Coliseum. The plane guys are paying $69 million over 15 years for naming rights. Opposition to the sellout was fast, furious and humorous. Someone on Twitter asked if the new name means games will start two hours late.

The Coliseum opened in 1923, the same year the original Yankee Stadium opened. The Yankees beat the Red Sox 4-1 in the first game. Babe Ruth hit a three-run homer. Of course he did.

Ed Warinner, who had an up-and-down stint as Ohio State's co-offensive coordinator from 2012-16, has joined the Michigan football staff as an offensive line coach. Get this: His son, Edward Warinner, who attends Olentangy Liberty High School near Columbus, signed last month to play with Michigan State. That'll be a fun Thanksgiving dinner.

No matter your politics, I think we all can agree: These State of the Union addresses are too long. You could play five innings of baseball in the time it took President Trump to get through his speech. It was the third-longest in SOTU history, topped only by a couple rambling talks by President Clinton. If Congress wants to do something to help America, it should bring a shot clock to next year's address.

Trending up: Randall Margraves, Keenan Evans, Bruno Mars. Margraves, the father of three young gymnasts who were abused by Larry Nassar, did what millions would like to do: He charged at the imprisoned doctor during proceedings in Eaton County (Michigan) Circuit Court on Friday. Yeah, I know it's wrong, blah, blah, blah. But can you blame the guy? Common sense eventually prevailed. Margraves apologized and the judge let him go.

Trending down: Kevin Love, Blake Griffin, Chief Wahoo. I guess we'll find out whether Love was the problem. The Cavaliers forward broke his hand last week and will miss 6-8 weeks. The Cavs are so dysfunctional and uninterested in fixing their problems that Love must look at this time away as a vacation. LeBron is on the way out, the roster is ancient and unathletic. Season-ticket holders are asking: Why did I write that check?

Knucklehead of the Week

Ohio State backup quarterback Tate Martell has nearly 87,000 followers on Twitter. I’ve got 391 so maybe I’m jealous (not). One big difference: I didn’t pay for mine. Martell was mentioned in a New York Times story investigating social media’s black market (trying not to laugh) as one of the high-profile athletes who have bought followers on Twitter. There’s nothing illegal about the practice, but how self-absorbed do you have to be to pay money to boost your popularity on Twitter? Brandon Phillips (more than 1 million followers) and Joey Galloway (87,200) also were mentioned in the report. SMH.

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