Nearly four years after Gen. Larry Platt’s inspirational revolution against sagging slacks went national with his performance of “Pants on the Ground” on “American’s Idol,” the epidemic rages on.
Saggy pants syndrome is so severe that a Houston McDonald’s franchise owner has affixed signs to his stores’ glass door barring sagging pants wearers.
“PULL YOUR PANTS UP or Don’t Come in,” the signs read, according to the Houston Chronicle. “No one wants to see your underwear.”
Indeed, no one does want to see your under pants before ordering an Egg McMuffin.
Why do we need a sign to remind people of that basic fact?
As nearly anyone who has read one of these no-signs can tell you, they can be particularly useful in conveying acceptable behaviors to dunderheads who were apparently raised by wolves.
“Don’t smoke,” “wear your seat belt, “No shoes, no shirt, no services” are tame compared to the no-brainers I speak of.
There are things that no one should have to tell you, but there is a sign for them each.
Below are a few types of signs that should be unnecessary in today’s world.
No one wants to hear your conversation
Brunch Club owner Jim Vari used a sign to take a stand against Man answers cell phone twice during local show, told off by famed “Star Wars” actressrude cell phone users last year.
Movie theaters now use the classic “Let’s All Go to the Lobby” dancing candy and popcorn boxes to remind people not to use their smartphone to talk, text, play games or find ‘interesting’ information on the Internet whilst the movie plays.
Now you are reminded to go the lobby, get yourself a treat and talk to your friends about nonsense.
Cell phone calls should not be taken during any public performance. Ask Carrie Fisher why.
No one wants to see you take a bath
I’ve seen some creative ‘don’t flush signs’ in women’s restrooms in my day, but a sign I saw in a bathroom on the New Jersey Shores a few years back sums up the frustrations of bathroom attendants everywhere: Hand Washing only! Do Not Wash Your Feet, Shoes, Hair, Kids or Clothes in Sinks! Please use Foot Shower on fence to the right.”
No one wants you to leave your dog’s poo there
Grab a baggie - sometimes they are free - and pick up your Fido’s business.
Contact this columnist at arobinson@DaytonDailyNews.com or Twitter.com/DDNSmartMouth
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