Not knowing what will happen hasn’t stopped me from blurting out nonsensical speculation in the past.
Why change my ways now?
This weekend marks the release of the final chapter in the mega-million-dollar series that has something to do with a sullen girl, a clammy face British vampire and a pack of beefy werewolves fighting over who gets to wear the new shirt.
My direct knowledge of the best-selling books does not extend past what my friend Angi tells me in passing (Jacob is topless) or what I think I read on Wikipedia.com (Jacob is topless).
I’ve only watched movie trailers and 15 or so minutes of the first Twilight film.
It’s been enough. From that I concluded that the whole thing is annoying.
Besides the idea of agile heartthrobs running around the forest half-naked, nothing about Twilight seems all that appealing.
This brand of nerdy is just too unrealistic for me (I like my supernatural characters with believable back stories), but other people clearly dig it.
The $120 million movie is expected to be the highest grossing Twilight movie, having garnered extra attention due to the dicey relationship between its co-stars Robert Pattinson (Edward) and Kristen Stewart (Bella).
Experts expect this installment to break the $138.1 million series earnings record set in the U.S. by “Breaking Dawn — Part 1.” That film along earned $709.8 million worldwide.
I am not planning to become a Twi-head or what ever fans of the series are called.
This straight foolishness will be ignored.
Vampires glimmering like diamonds and walking around in the sun without bursting into flames is even a bigger stretch of the imagination than the idea that there are vampire. Everybody — especial residents of Bon Temps, Louisiana — knows vampers hate the sun.
As far as I can tell from those trailers, Bella appears to have a serious tude.
There doesn’t seem to be a reason.
Vampires love her. Werewolves love her. She has great hair and, after being vampirized, lives the idea low carb lifestyle. Bella vants to suck your blood, but that doesn’t mean she has to walk around as if life, well death really, bites.
And finally, there doesn’t seem to be one hobbit, fairy or tribble-like being to keep the characters in the films honest.
If there are hairy, oversized feet featured, that should have been shown in the trailer for gosh sakes.
I’ve never seen a Twilight movie, but know how this whole thing will end — happily.
Frodo and Aragorn will take Jacob Black — the shape-shifting wolf who seems to have the hots for Bella — off to Middle-earth.
Edward — the vampire — and Bella — his bride — will undoubtedly end up defeating Lord Voldemort or blowing up the death star. Something …
First they need a vampire/human babysitter.
Geordi La Forge will happily take the job each and every time they want to hang out at Merlotte’s or chase rats in the alley for protein rich snacks.
Just before credits roll, there will be a game and Bella's kid will be the winner of thrones.
What do you think?
Are you a Twilight Fan? If so (or not), why?
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