My best advice

We hope the heartfelt words on these pages will be a source of strength and inspiration to our readers.

You are not your breast cancer

The hardest thing I had to do was tell my daughters and my mother. After that, my first thought was: what do we do.

You cannot approach cancer as a death knell or with fear. What you need to do is approach it as: this is my body, I need to know what to do to fix it. I am not my breast cancer: I am grandmother, mother, consultant, writer. — Pearl Cline, Springfield

Share with others

Be sure to talk to people about what you are going through. Don't try to solve this on your own. Reach out and find support networks. The more you talk to people, the more resources you will find available, and you will realize that you are not alone! — Amber Best, Kettering

Take care of you

When you are first diagnosed with breast cancer it may feel physically and emotionally like your world is about to come crashing down around you! I use the example of being on the airplane, when the flight attendant says, “In the event of an emergency landing, grab your own oxygen mask first and then your child’s.” It may feel as if the airplane is going to crash, but hold on tight, remain calm, grab for that oxygen and remember to breathe.

As women we are wired to take care of others first. This is one time in your life when you first just need to take care of YOU! Ask for help. People want to help you, but they’re not mind readers. Your spouse especially may be feeling helpless. Men by nature are problem solvers and his world is going to be just as shaken up as yours but in a different way because he can’t fix this. Don’t be upset if he needs to take time out to process everything.

Buy yourself two note books or journals — something to write in and a large file folder. The first note book is to take with you to all of your doctor appointments. Keep this at your desk or by your bed, so during those times between appointments you can write down any questions or notes you might have and also record any unusual side effects from chemo or radiation that you want to make sure to ask about. By writing things down as you go along you have a bit of a medical diary and are not scrambling to remember things the day of your appointment. You also have this to write down and record information that your medical care team may give you on your appointment day.

Any test results, scan reports or important info can be put into your large file folder. You might also want to keep a running list of your oral medications, chemo drugs, in this folder as well. Should the need arise for you to see a new physician you will have this list and test results at your fingertips and save yourself much stress.

Also sign up for any online data bases within your medical networks, such as Kettering Health Network’s MY CHART. These data bases will send you an email when you have new test results, store and save your test results, medical history etc. and allow you to review and email results to other facilities or print out results for your own records. I have found this to be a life saver!

Your second note book is a journal of sorts. A place to record your personal journey. Write in this when you want to record a triumph, such as a good scan or test result. Use it for those days when you are feeling down, or when you can’t sleep from the steroid high that you get the first night or two after chemo. I found that writing my thoughts and prayers to God and positive quotes found along the way, gave me peace, and actually still does.

Lastly, if you want or need support, get it! There are tremendous resources in our area to help you along your journey. I have found that the oncology nurses can be a great resource in helping you to find just the right group, your own medical tribe, to get involved with. I am a member of The Noble Circle Project which has empowered me to keep thriving with loving peer support, learning Qi- Gong and tremendous nutritional education. — Colleen Pike, Waynesville.

Let others help

Allow people to help you. Your friends and family want to help you. They know they can't fix the actual cancer diagnosis so they offer their help in many other forms. Let them help you with meals, errands, household chores, transportation to appointments and so on. It makes them feel better to know they are helping you in some way. A friend once told me that when I don't allow people to help, I am taking away their blessing. I had never thought of it like that. — Debbie May, Bellbrook

Supporting loved ones

My mother lost her 8 ½ year battle to breast cancer in April of 2010. Perhaps the greatest challenge encountered while caring for a loved one with breast cancer is the day you realize despite your most ardent prayers and heartfelt wishes you cannot fix the situation, you simply cannot make it go away. The emotional roller-coaster of shock, fear, sadness, and anger suddenly are replaced with a helplessness that is quite unnerving.

The Norma Ross Foundation/Pink Ribbon Driven and The American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk is meaningful to me because finally I have something I can do, an impact I can make and each step I take is my way of showing breast cancer it did not defeat my mother because her legacy is still fighting with each dollar raised that can be used for research to eradicate this dreadful disease. It is not an easy walk because it brings back so many memories, but it is a healing walk because it allows me to keep my mother's legacy alive while doing the work that helps us grow closer to a day when no one has to die from breast cancer. — Jenell R. Ross

How to ask

Many people offer to help by saying, “Call if you need anything.” However, asking for help is not easy to do. These websites allow others to help without the patient having to call and coordinate everything:

https://www.mealtrain.com

http://www.whatfriendsdo.com — Carrie Becker-Baker, Kettering

Live each day

I was told not to look at everything that is ahead of you, treatment wise, but what you have completed. Each day is an accomplishment and one day closer to the finish line!!! — Diana Hoyle, Centerville

Documenting your journey

As a breast cancer survivor diagnosed in 2009, I needed help to process everything both for my self and for others. I adapted a Children’s Hospital activity called “Emily’s Beads,” and developed my beads to tell my story and describe the treatments, surgery, hair loss, pain, triumphs, trauma, faith and progression of my journey to survive and thrive.

Each bead has a special meaning. There is a bead each time I have an MRI. My breast cancer was not revealed on mammogram but fully engulfed my left breast on MRI. So I get a MRI every six months. I have a bead for hospitalizations. I have one really ugly gross bead that represents my "cancer" that was removed. I then picked a pretty bejeweled bead for my new implant. Every time I get my tumor markers I add a bead. The beads have helped me to remember the journey and let go of some of the pain. — Renae Phillips, Springboro

Breath, laugh

My best advice for dealing with breast cancer is:

1. Breath. Now keep breathing. If you can handle today, you will be able to handle tomorrow . And you CAN handle today.

2. Be kind to yourself during chemo. You won’t feel good — chemo is a poison going through your body — but it is a good poison. If you want bland food, eat bland food. If you want spicy food, eat spicy food. When your body is tired, sleep. When your body has some energy, take advantage of that. Who cares what time it is?

3. Remember, you are not your hair or your breasts. You are the same person you were before your diagnosis. Nothing can take that away from you. Only you can choose to relinquish it.

4. Laugh. It truly is the best medicine — for you and for those who love you. — Anna Tracy, Vandalia

Support group for African-Americans

Breast cancer is the second leading cause of death for African-American women. Mahogany's Child – Sisters Supporting Sisters is an African-American breast cancer support group designed to provide culturally sensitive education and emotional support by tapping into the beliefs and values of our population. Our goals are to remove barriers to healthy living and serve as a link to between breast cancer survivors and community resources. — Frankye Herald, Mahogany's Child, Premier Health

Check out Noble circle

Experiencing a diagnosis of breast cancer is traumatic. What one woman finds helpful, another might not. In addition to traditional treatments — surgery, chemotherapy and radiation — I found support through The Noble Circle Project invaluable. There I explored good nutrition, energy sessions, massage, Qi-Gong, Reiki and guided meditation.

Allowing myself to live in the moment, not in the fear, has helped me to continue thriving beyond my diagnosis. Finding gratitude in each day has changed my prospective of what is really important. — Linda Lauffenburger, Springfield

Get a second opinion

I want women to know that sometimes there are no warning signs: I didn’t have an unexplained weight loss and I could not feel the lump through a self- breast exam. The one signal my body did send as a warning was being tired and run down. I thought it wasn’t worthy of telling my doctor. I thought it was part of the aging process, not cancer.

Get a second opinion. Bring people with you to listen when you can't because it is a lot to take in. It is okay to make jokes about it and to laugh. Educate yourself. Once you have received the diagnosis you want to ask lots of questions and think for yourself. It's really scary to be knowledgeable, but ignorance is worse. — Sharon Tolle, Washington Twp.

Stay active

Exercise! It is your best friend not only during treatment but after. It has been crucial in keeping me functioning well and keeping cancer away for almost 10 years. Yet only one doctor mentioned it — and he was my radiation oncologist!!!

Choose an activity you like and keep moving! — Sandy Love, Yellow Springs

Bits of advice

Buy or rent a recliner for your recovery and/or treatment. Finding a supportive and comfortable place to rest or sleep is often difficult.

As a gift to someone dealing with cancer, I’d suggest a warm hat. Your head can get cold when you are going through chemotherapy.

Take a friend or partner to any medical consultations, because under stress, one can become “deaf, blind, and stupid.”

Ginger Ale and ginger candy are great for nausea. Keep hydrated with whatever beverage you can tolerate. If you are having GI problems remember the BRAT diet: Bananas, Rice Applesauce and Toast. — Myra Jean Lewis, Kettering

Follow up

My Mom, Lucille, would have been 104 if she had lived so long. Instead she left us when I was only 25 years old and she was only 61, due to a late diagnosis of breast cancer.

Moms and Dads out there: If you find a lump, don't be a chump. Have it looked at. It's probably nothing, but then again it could make the difference between leaving your kids before your time and seeing them grow up, have kids of their own, establish their careers, get married, have vacations. I'm crying now as I think of this, but your kids may not have to. — Alan King, Xenia

Finding a bra

I was back in Ohio visiting family, as I frequently still do, the day before my 28th birthday five years ago. I was shopping for my upcoming honeymoon when the call came. I had Infiltrative Ductal Carcinoma.

I postponed the wedding and underwent chemotherapy and a bilateral mastectomy with implant reconstruction. The biggest problem was not being able to find a bra that fit. I picked up my sketch book and drew my very first bra. That night, my company, AnaOno, was born. — Dana Donofree, Bellbrook (now living in Philadelphia)

Find the joy

My advice to anyone living through cancer is to not let the process steal your joy. One of my favorite quotes, that I followed during treatment, is: Paramahansa Yogananda, “No matter what your circumstances, always keep an undercurrent of happiness.”

Cancer could affect my body, but I would not allow it to steal my Spirit! — Jennifer D, Kettering

Take care of you

Advice: Take care of you. So many of us find time to care of others that we put our own needs on the back burner. When you're pushing through the cancer journey, remember to take care of yourself! Eat consciously, find your personal moments of joy, rest with the sun on your face, surround yourself with uplifting, loving friends. — Rhonda Traylor, Huber Heights

Fight!

Breast cancer is not a sentence, but a journey. On this journey, allow yourself to cry and be angry. Lean on your family and friends when you fall apart. But, make sure you pick yourself up and FIGHT! Give yourself hope that you will make it through this journey. — Amy Linaberry, Kettering

Lending support

I have never been diagnosed with breast cancer, but I have family and friends who have. I was moved the day when my sister-in-law called me and said “I have breast cancer” at the age of 40. I made sure I was there the day of her surgery. I also drove her around to run errands when she could not drive, sent her cards, and checked on her often. That was about 18 years ago.

Four years ago, the disease really hit close to home again when a fellow co-worker and good friend, Becki, was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time in 10 years. Knowing cancer treatment is expensive, I planned a private fundraiser with co-workers and friends and set up an account at a local credit union. The generosity toward Becki was amazing.

In 2012, I received a call from American Cancer Society asking if I would form a team for the Making Strides walk in honor of Becki. As we prepare for our fourth walk this year, the team has continued to grow. It now supports another close friend as well as other Reynolds & Reynolds associates and family members whose lives have been touched by breast cancer.

Social media is a good way to support the journey of those diagnosed, but everyday human interaction is still the best way to show how much you care. Make a call, stop by to visit them, send a card, offer to bring food, or bring a small gift to encourage them during the hard days and celebrate when they reach milestones in their treatment.

Having a team in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk not only shows Becki how much I care, but how much so many others do also. The funds raised through the team support many women in the Miami Valley. Start with one caring gesture to support someone with breast cancer, and you never know how it can grow to support many more! — June Gibson, Centerville

Support is available

Taking care of yourself means having a good support system. Groups like Mahogany’s Child help with this, by offering support meetings, walks, and other fun programs that bring women together.

I will emcee the “Pretty in Pink” Fashion Show from 10:30-1:30 p.m. Oct. 17 at Corinthian Baptist Church, 700 S. James H. McGee Blvd., Dayton. — Floy N. Johnson, Dayton