Q "What made you decide to write this book?"
A "I identified a problem across the country; a downward spiral trending in how relationships are taking place inside the family, in the workplace, in schools and in our interpersonal dealings with one another. I wanted to offer a potential solution to this problem, this epidemic that is taking place. I wrote this book to help people identify how relationships should be developed, nurtured and built to provide some insights to help people all across the board in their lives."
Q "In your book you point to something which you consider to be problematic, what you call 'contemporary dating.' Please explain to our readers what you mean by that."
A "Contemporary dating is the thing that we see taking place — the actual process of dating that we see today: You see someone. You're attracted to someone. You approach that person. You ask them to go out on a date and you begin to try to develop a romantic interest from that initial point of attraction. It's problematic because it is challenging to develop healthy, longstanding relationships when you don't have a friendship foundation built to grow upon. In looking at the whole contemporary dating process, it is problematic because we are trying to develop relationships based on looks, attraction and lust, is how I define it, instead of building on good old friendship foundations that usually help you to withstand the trials and tribulations of life."
Q "You also say that we need to learn how to date ourselves first. What do you mean?"
A "Today we have people who are dissatisfied with themselves. They do not have healthy views of themselves. When men and women feel there are voids in their lives, they look for ways to fill the voids... You have to become a whole person first before you can have the relationship you want. Once you are happy with yourself, you'll begin to exude happiness. Bring two people together who have become whole within themselves and they know their purpose, then when they come together they can achieve great things."
Q "We live in a society and culture where women are becoming more assertive in many instances and where some men are becoming more passive. This creates situations where women are now frequently pursuing men rather than the other way around. What are your thoughts about that?"
A "Woman are becoming more aggressive. They are becoming the pursuers in a lot of relationships ... . The male, according to how I was raised, is supposed to be the aggressor ... It is innate to a man's nature to be the hunter. When you take that role away from him it puts him in the position of being on the retreat and on the defense.
I tell women it is OK to initiate, but allow the men to continue the pursuit. As a woman, if you initiate the aggressive behavior, you are going to have to continue it in order to maintain the relationship.”
Q "You have roots in the Dayton area. I understand that you have had role models within your family for successful marriages.
A " I grew up in Dayton. My parents, Jerry and Betty Pugh, still reside in Trotwood. They have served as the primary marriage role model for me and my brother. My grandparents on both sides of the family also had model marriages. I have seen " 'til death do us part.' They were able to navigate those waters. This gives me strength: I know what I need to look for."
Q "How did you become an authority on relationships and marriage? How did you develop your expertise?"
A " I like to say that I got my PhD in relationships from the 'School of Hard Knocks.' I've gone through many relationships in my past. I usually draw on those examples for what not to do.
I have counseled hundreds of people over the years in order to help them develop, refine and improve their relationships.
I’m an associate minister at Elizabeth Baptist Church in Atlanta. I’m pursuing my master’s in physical counseling at the Luther Rice Seminary in Atlanta.”
Q "Reading your book one gets the sense that you're a single guy. Is that correct?"
A "That is correct."
Vick Mickunas interviews authors on WYSO-FM (91.3). Contact him at vick@vickmickunas.com.
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