Sometimes, though, I can’t help myself.
The most recent of those times was last Monday, when I read the lead story in The Arts section of The New York Times about a performance by Miley Cyrus the previous Saturday.
“Welcome to Her World of Excess,” the headline read. The opening paragraph reported that Miley had to struggle to grab her crotch, due to the fact that she was dressed like a stick of butter at the time.
And while a stick of butter grabbing its crotch should be enough to make any performance memorable, it was only the beginning. She also took the stage “wearing a sizeable sex toy affixed to her waist,” “stripping to a cage in practically nothing” and “reclined at the lip of the stage while a woman dressed like a giant cigarette lighter frolicked behind her.” The article also detailed the displays of “confetti, costumes and Day-Glo visuals,” not to mention the “happy-faced balloons floating above the crowd.”
Just about the only thing missing in the 19-inch review, in fact, was any reference to the quality of the show’s music. If any.
It’s possible, I suppose, that the reviewer couldn’t actually hear the music over the screaming of the audience. But, no matter. Concerts today are entertainment for the eyes, not the ears. If you can fill the stage with enough gyrating dancers, exploding fireworks and videos on huge screens, it’s probably possible to become a pop music star without actually ever singing.
One can only wonder if Elvis would have become the king in today’s music scene with nothing more than his guitar and a pair of well-oiled hips. If Brian Epstein was pitching four shaggy-haired kids from Liverpool in 2015, would concert promoters tell him they’d never be able to attract an audience unless they were backed up by two dozen scantily clad dancers and enough fireworks to blow up a stadium?
There are, to be sure, still some performers who have made it big with nothing but their bare voices and a few instruments behind them. Adele and Springfield native John Legend come to mind.
But if you’re an aspiring performer with dreams of become a pop music star, my advice would be to learn how to grab your crotch while dressing like a stick of butter.
About the Author