The Senate soon will take on the bill, a clear assault on “ing” while “ing” and related “ing.”
While I often text important information to friends and relations — such as “must be a back fat convention on Fifth,” “just had a mind-blowing, life-altering piece of Gouda,” “congratulations on your fertility,” — rarely have I ever texted while driving.
It’s not that I haven’t wanted to.
When one sees a license plate that reads “YODA LUV,” one wants to text.
It’s just that I am busy “ing” in more significant ways while steering the 1.5 tons of death that is my car.
When steaming mussels, who has time to send, receive or read a text message?
The supply of fingers is limited. Mine are occupied mixing beats and thumbing through Star magazine.
Driving is the ideal time for weaving purses out of the hopes and dreams, merry children — and this is why we must band together to upset these out-of-touch legislators.
Think your favorite “ing” while “ing” is safe? Think again.
If they can take down texting while driving — a staple of the uncivilized world — next up for debate could be “no bowling while drumming” or “no haberdashering while sailing.”
The statistics show that driving is a not a time for quiet reflection and paying attention.
It is a time for unsafe-ing.
There’s plenty of “ing” happening on American roads — chasing criminal masterminds, curing cancer, creating new Facebook passwords ...
Life is busy. What other time will we have for tax filing or brie baking?
Our friends in Columbus clearly don’t realize that driving is the best time for reading and noisy close-eyed meditating.
I’ve come up with my best affirmation quotes while barrelling down the highway in my metal bubble.
“Scrimp is always best severed with cold cocktail sauce.”
“When life gives you mayonnaise make either egg salad, tuna salad or eat it straight from the bottle with a paprika laced silver spoon.”
Contact this columnist at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@Dayton DailyNews.com.
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