In a world gone mad with elaborate restaurant “concepts,” there’s not much new under the sun. But we’re pretty sure these haven’t been done … yet.
Le Sphere: The ultimate disruption of the dining space, the Le Sphere experience begins with each individual diner stabbing a hand-forged pin into a spinning globe. The pin’s location is then matched with a culturally appropriate, 18-course menu designed by one of the chefs of the prestigious World’s 50 Best Restaurants list. Taking the patron beyond mere borders, it’s a true evolution of the table. (Pins designating Africa, India, Central America, the Caribbean, Pacific Islands or the Middle East will be randomly assigned a different menu, as none of these are represented in the current World’s 50 Best Restaurants list. Also note that due to the amount of the Earth covered in water, diners experience a 70 percent chance of a plankton-based menu accompanied by whale songs.) ($495 per person, wine or grog pairings additional.)
Granola by Anaconda: Following in the pawprints of the successful Cow by Bear dinner-party concept — in which an anonymous chef in a bear costume creates a multicourse, communal beef-centric dinner for your team-building outing, bachelorette party or other group ($195 per person)* — Granola by Anaconda presents each diner with a housemade granola bar, then provides the opportunity to enjoy it while being engulfed by a live anaconda ($195 per person).
*Eds. note: This is real.
Poultice: The ultimate comfort-food experience, Poultice ensconces the diner in a cozy reclined position, swaddled in a fuzzy natural-fiber blanket, as a series of aromatic emulsions are applied to the upper chest and nine courses of housemade broths are sequentially served, spoonful by spoonful, by the diner’s own mother. ($195 per person, service charge included.)
Brooklyn & Co.: This restaurant will never be as good as the one like it in Brooklyn that’s so much better, and someone who’s not actually from Brooklyn but has lived there long enough that it basically counts will be seated at your table to remind you of this fact in detail. (Priced à la carte, and the place in Brooklyn costs more, but it’s worth it.)
Turntable: The revolutionary payment-free model of the Turntable concept obviates that nadir of the dining experience — the presentation of the check — by facilitating each diner’s post-dessert transfer to the dish pit, where, typically, a 4- to 6-hour shift covers the cost of the meal. A hip all-vinyl soundtrack complements the Turntable experience (but not in the dish pit). (Shifts compensated at the rate of $15 an hour.)
Bro-unch: The Bro-unch concept represents the reclamation of the brunch space from the açaí-bowl-and-mimosa crowd with a Guy Fieri-designed menu accompanied by IPA pairings and all the sports, with braying into your cell mandatory. (“Kind of pricey, but totally worth it, right, bro?! No, I got it!”)
B.e.: At last taking the restaurant “Beyond eating,” B.e. comprises an entirely molecular, olfactory-only, four-hour “tasting” menu culminating in the administration of nitrous oxide and the insertion of the diner’s face into half a watermelon. (If you must ask, you cannot afford it.)
Free Range: Exclusively for the enlightened diner, the guided Free Range concept replicates a full-day urban experience of sourcing meals unhampered by conventional resources. For dessert: the redistribution of your personal wealth. (Your net worth.)
Margherita: Your device connects you instantaneously to a vast menu of options enabling the creation of a bespoke dining experience — prepared to your specifications by a group of highly experienced, all-local chefs in real time — which is then immediately hand-delivered to virtually any location. (11”: $13.99, $2.50 per topping; 13”: $17.99, $2.75 per topping; 17”: $19.99, $3 per topping. Gluten-free crust available for a surcharge.)
Soupfloat: This is an immersion tank full of soup. Have at it. ($895 plus tank-cleaning fee.)