It’s frustrating when it fizzles

Dear Lisa,

Recently, I chatted with a really nice man and it seemed to be going great but nothing ended up happening. Is it possible that I gave him signs that I was somehow not interested when I really was? He asked me if I got lonely and I said no. I didn’t want him thinking I was needy and couldn’t live my life without a man. Any advice why he seemed so keen and why it fizzled?



I know how frustrating situations like this can be. There are two things going on here.

1. A man can have a great time with you but still not ask you out if you don’t fit his idea of the woman he thinks he wants to be with. Not fair but true.

2. Men practically have to be hit over the head with signs you’re interested in him. When he asked if you were lonely, a good answer would have been something like this…

I’m never lonely when I’m on a fun date with a great guy like you.

It’s pretty bold but sometimes that’s what you have to do to get a man’s attention that let’s him know you are interested in a date with him. Get out there on a regular basis and flirt, flirt and flirt some more with men. Also pay attention to what they are saying to you.

I know it can sound cryptic like his question was to you. And it can feel like you need a Code Book to figure it all out.

But, here’s a tip for you … most men won’t put themselves in a position of being rejected by you. Instead he will test the waters with leading questions to see if it’s safe to take what is happening any further.

He may have taken your “No I’m not lonely” answer to mean … you are fine and don’t need a man in your life right now.

If he cooled off after your answer to his question … he perceived you weren’t interested and that’s why everything suddenly fizzled between the two of you.


Lisa Copeland, "The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!" Find out more at

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