I was intrigued by the research of psychologists such as Dr. Nancy Sin and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky who have spent years trying to answer a very simple question — can people truly influence how happy they feel?
Lyubomirsky concluded that about 50 percent of happiness is determined genetically and 10 percent by life’s events. However, that means that 40 percent of how we feel is determined by how we act.
Sin and Lyubomirksy analyzed 51 scientific studies designed to help people increase their happiness and concluded that several strategies are effective.
Replay positive experiences
Our mind is not the passive receptacle of our experiences. We tend to remember certain events while ignoring or forgetting others. The practice of actively remembering and celebrating good events makes us happier people. People do this by keeping a journal, talking about positive things with friends or celebrating even minor achievements.
A friend told me something she did in her family, and I’ve used her idea for over 20 years with my wife and children. When we sit down for dinner, we hold hands and say one good thing that happened to us that day. It is a great way to set the tone at the dinner table, while encouraging us to acknowledge that every day brings us special gifts.
Accept what cannot be changed
Happy people have that special ability to distinguish those things that they cannot control from events they can influence. They accept the former and act on the latter.
Stay connected with friends
Happiness is more likely to come from people and experiences rather than things. Happy people make it a high priority to work at relationships. They help other people, remember birthdays, write notes, share feelings and stay connected with family and friends.
Practice positive thinking
Abraham Lincoln remarked that “people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happy people think positive thoughts, and act as if they can make a difference. They tend to attract other people with their upbeat approach to life.
Keep track of good events
We all experience myriad emotions every day, but some people are more likely to focus on problem situations rather than positive events. Happy people pay attention and celebrate good things in their lives.
You could always go see a therapist to learn how to apply these principles in your own family, but they really aren’t very complicated, are they? They all start with a decision you can make right now — a decision to live a happier life.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at the Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
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