She wanted to know if we could go hear his public talk in Indianapolis, and so we did. We had a fantastic time. His holiness was surprisingly funny and down to earth. He emphasized compassion and recognizing our commonalities when dealing with conflict and stress.
And as we drove home, I thought, well, that’s it. I will forevermore deal with conflict and stress with compassion and empathy. Never again will I get overly caught up in my own concerns!
If, for some reason, the Dalai Lama is reading this, I am quite sure he’s chuckling over my very human hubris.
Fast forward to... well, just a few days later.
We’re all getting ready to go have our photo taken for the church directory, at our place of worship where we’ve affirmed time and again the importance of compassion and empathy in the midst of stress and conflict (aka, turn the other cheek.)
It will also be the last professional photo our family will have taken together while our oldest is still living full time under our roof.
So I’m a little stressed. I want this photo to be perfect!
Our youngest — the very child I’d just traveled with to hear the Dalai Lama — has a bit too much on her plate, and getting ready for this photo is just one more thing that’s causing her some stress.
I think she’s not taking getting ready for this photo seriously enough.
She thinks I’m taking it too seriously.
So... as we’re getting ready, we squabble.
We speak unkindly.
We forget compassion in the midst of stress and conflict.
We forget to turn the other cheek.
I worry that every time I look at this family photo, I’ll just remember our argument!
But cooler heads (those of my husband and older daughter) prevail, and we all go anyway. Enough time passes before our photo session that we get a chance to say “sorry,” to forgive and hug. And so by the time it’s our turn for a photo, we are all laughing and chatting and smiling again — genuinely.
And when I look at the proofs, I have to laugh.
We chose, for our coordinating outfits, to wear black and white, simply because we all already had something black and white in our closets.
But life and conflicts and stresses and relationships aren’t black and white.
There are always shades of grey.
I wanted a perfect picture, and perfect memories of having that picture taken, but nothing in life — particularly relationships — is ever perfect.
None of us have a perfect ability to always turn the other cheek, to always be perfectly compassionate in the midst of stress and conflict.
But you know what?
I have the feeling that this will become one of my favorite family photos.
And not for the sentimental reason I originally thought.
But because the photo reminds me that with forgiveness and grace, we get the chance to try again and end up smiling and laughing again together.
And because every time I look at this family photo, I’ll remember: that’s about as picture perfect as life and relationships get.
Sharon Short’s column runs Monday in Life. Send e-mail to sharonshort@sharonshort.com.
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