This important information came to light last week after a search by New Hampshire middle school students, challenged to find their state’s “dumbest law,” found that the city of Newport has a law on the books protecting it against the scourge of nighttime seaweed collecting.
While you might think that's got to be the dumbest law ever, that's because you haven't searched www.dumblaws.com/, where you can find a state-by-state listing of laws that will make you scratch your head (although there may be some states where head-scratching is illegal).
In Alabama, for instance, having an ice cream cone in your back pocket is illegal; although in Georgia and New York that’s only against the law on Sundays. In Blythe, Calif., you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. In Indiana, baths may not be legally taken between the months of October and March. Pennsylvanians face legal consequences if they are caught sleeping on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
A lot of laws have to do with sex. In Virginia it’s illegal to have sex with the lights on. In Florida, having sex with a porcupine is against the law, even with the lights off.
Others must only remain on the books because the National Organization for Women hasn’t heard about them. In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday. In Owensboro, Ky., a woman can’t buy a hat without her husband’s permission. In Michigan, women need their husband’s permission to cut their own hair; although if they live in Detroit, they have the satisfaction of knowing that it’s illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday in that city.
When it comes to passing inexplicable legislation, Ohio lawmakers can be just as dumb or dumberer. Which is why it’s illegal here to hunt whales on Sunday or to get a fish drunk. And why women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. And why it’s illegal to install a slot machine in an outhouse in Bexley. And why, if you lose your pet tiger in Canton, you have to notify authorities within one hour. And why, in Cleveland, it’s illegal for any professional sports team to win a championship. (OK, I made that one up; but there must be some explanation.)
The good news is that we in Ohio are free to collect seaweed whenever we like.
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