The fact that I waited until age 32 to try stand-up comedy is also a testament to that. I was teaching college at age 26 and had my master’s degree by the time I was 28. I look back now and wonder why was I in such a hurry to grow up? It’s absolutely awful being an adult.
I married a musician/toy collector, which might seem like a mismatch, but as we all know, opposites attract. I’ve been going on adventures to toy shops and shows with my husband recently, and I have discovered that I might have missed out on some things as a kid.
A few weekends ago, I traveled to the Great Ohio Toy Show at the Greene County Fairgrounds with my husband. This was the first toy show I’ve ever attended, but living with my husband and his toy room [yes, we have a toy room], I knew there were a few things that I wanted on this outing.
The one thing I did have as a kid was a Strawberry Shortcake bike, so I have an affinity for anything with the smell-good sweety. However, do not try to smell the Strawberry Shortcake toys at a toy show or shop. It will NOT smell like strawberries, but probably like sadness and cigarettes.
The other items on my list were a TV tray; remember, those cheap metal trays we used for food that just fell over? Yeah, I want one. An “ET” cup or plushie. I loved “ET” when I was young, and my dad had a ceramic statue made for me. Unfortunately, old butterfingers Jess dropped it and smashed it to pieces.
And then there was the pièce de résistance of toys that I needed: A metal “The Dark Crystal” lunchbox and thermos.
When I was little, my mom got me the lunchbox. I loved the movie because as I said, I was a weird child. I was so excited to sport my new food holder to St. Peter’s School. I was smiling when I walked into the classroom, hoping to get recognition for my coolness. I was finally ready to be popular.
Lunch time did not go as I expected. I was made fun of relentlessly for liking such a “dumb” movie about “gross” monsters. Granted, the movie is quite scary and freaky, but I was mature for my age. But I still had those little girl feelings.
After lunch, we went to recess in the back parking lot where the dumpsters were also located. I chucked that lunch box and thermos into the trash, tears rolling down my cheeks. I told my mom that I lost the lunch box and went back to the old brown bags for my lunches. After losing something like that, mom wasn’t buying me anything else.
If you know anything about toys, you know that metal ’80s lunch boxes With the thermos are rare and expensive. My eyes were peeled at the toy show and lo and behold, sitting on a shelf next to some stinky Strawberry Shortcake toys was my Holy Grail.
I purchased that lunch box and thermos back for $70, and it’s now on display in my room. My dogs keep licking it though because it smells like some kind of ancient goulash. I also acquired an “ET” cup with Drew Barrymore on it with ET saying, “Be good.”
Not having kids and being a comedian has put me in a nice position to be a big kid. I implore everyone to find their inner child, be who they want to be and tell those Catholic schoolgirls to go straight to Helsinki.
Upcoming comedy event
Mark Gregory & Friends will perform at 7 p.m. Oct. 26 at Legacy Bar, 6628 W. Third St. Other performers include: Dionte Allen, Mike Jackson and Freddie Ricks. Mark Gregory is the nephew of the late great Dick Gregory, the first Black comedian to sit on “The Tonight Show” couch in 1961. He’s an amazing comedian in his own right, as well are the others. Tickets are $20 and can be found on Eventbrite.
LAUGH RIOT GIRL
Laugh Riot Girl is a column by comedian and writer Jessica Graue that explores the local comedy scene and issues surrounding it. Reach her by email at jessica.graue@coxinc.com.
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