Thinking about the terrible ripple effect and impact of those left behind rarely comes to mind at the point that there is no turning back. There is a stark contrast between the expected joyfulness of the holiday season and the reality of one’s brain living in the darkness of unbearable aloneness and solitude, with anguish of incomparable proportions and an unquantifiable degree of grief for what can no longer be. The absence of those who passed on too soon and yet for the most noble of deeds that can never be repaid, lies at the bottom rung of so much angst and anguish. This seals every hole in the spirit, dug to the very bottoms of our souls because we could not bring them home. The absence of belongingness is a slow and agonizing killer.
Prolonging seeking mental health support and allowing the vast gulley of disconnectedness to grab hold is the frequent solution for too many suffering souls. Lying face down in hell is hardly the pathway to survival. We continuously tell ourselves that we are tough enough to handle the pain that lies in the grip of homecoming from military service, but this fallacy must be put to rest. None of us has all the answers and one’s head is not disconnected from one’s body. We are pieced together in such a way that there are inextricable links between these parts.
The state of the brain affects everything below it. The truth here is a simple one. If one has a fractured tibia, seeking emergency medical treatment is essential. If one’s brain is broken, the same should apply. The road to resilience must be paved with the belief system that psychological or mental health intervention has the potential to restore hope.
Expanding the cycle of support is hardly a simple task, but it begins with the desire to anchor ourselves to the bona fide truth that not a one of us alone has all the answers and our former selves aren’t hanging in the closet. This pathway simply cannot be walked alone.
Seeking support is a clear indication of courage, NOT weakness, as pure guts are required to be able to place all of this on the table of mental health services. Invisible wounds are unquestionably the most painful of all and unnecessary suffering is just that. No good comes from it. Bring an end to living as an alien on our own planet. Step out of the shroud of darkness, as living in the shadows is often a choice.
Infuse life with something, anything, that bestows a sense of value, meaning, and purpose. All the realities do not need to be the cruel ones of destabilization and disorientation returning from the battlefield. Finding a purpose that sustains does not need to end upon redeployment. Reignite human connections and relationships to begin to thrive. Few endeavors reap something so powerful as that which brings joy to the lives of others, that taps into the goodness of one’s soul and fills the shell that has become empty.
Even more than fixing ourselves is the need to offer up more of what we marshalled up for war; not just to be, but to do. We must give ourselves permission to thrive all over again. If one feels they have already sacrificed enough, reconsider that thought. The ultimate Christmas gift may just be what one dredges up from their souls and that large piece of knowledge that this type of giving is just as much of a gift for yourself-maybe even more so.
As veterans, it remains our solemn duty to dedicate ourselves to continue to be the protectors of one another and to assist in lighting the way for fellow veterans to rebuild lives….both theirs and that of others.
Our mission is far from over.
Kathy Platoni is a retired Army colonel, clinical psychologist and editor of “Combat Stress Magazine.”
VA and DOD Programs
VA is still one of the best places for veterans to get mental health care. The agency provides mental health services to more than a million veterans each year and has a variety of programs tailored to the unique needs of veterans. In addition to large medical centers, VA has a network of community-based outpatient clinics, many of which may be closer to you and provide mental health services.
Veteran’s Crisis Line
The Veterans Crisis Line is a 24/7 confidential support hotline for veterans and their family members. You don’t have to be enrolled in VA benefits to use the crisis line—just dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255.