making the case JEFF KIRBY
I meet all day, every day, with those who desire peace. More often than not, I meet with people who are divorcing one another. Or parents who have problems with their children. Or those who have a problem with a neighbor or a boss.
All they want is a peaceful co-existence. They want to go about their lives, free from worry, away from the aggravation and expense of conflict.
But it doesn’t happen. World War III rages all around them. As a result, they’re tired and more than a little desperate.
Sometimes I feel a little like a proctologist. What possesses me to do what I do? I often remind God that I would have been perfectly happy as a major league baseball player, but He chose to give me the gift of peacemaking instead. Someday, I’m sure I’ll find out why.
Here’s a visual that helps improve most situations.
It imagines that peace exists on a beautiful front porch overlooking a tree-lined street. It’s where two people can sit in civil harmony, sipping lemonade and talking about life and goofy people.
Life is good on the front porch. Every relationship wants and needs to prosper there.
The problem, though, is that both sides to a conflict often do something to destroy that image. Maybe they’re not equally to blame, but it takes two to tango.
One side gets kicked to the curb. That happens when a deserving father doesn’t get his parenting time. Or when a mother doesn’t get the financial assistance she truly needs. Or an adult child demands too much from a parent. Or a boss takes advantage of a hard-working employee.
Life is ugly in the gutter. It’s an awful place to be. And while most people will admit to not being perfect, no one likes being kicked around. So it’s no wonder that anyone who’s been tossed aside like that they will come roaring back with a vengeance, determined to get the fair treatment they deserve.
You’ve felt that way, haven’t you? And you may have treated someone that way, too. Just maybe.
That happens with a wicked act, or a harsh statement. Any two people will always have their share of disagreements, but some things are way out of bounds. Why would anyone ever do such a thing?
I’ll tell you why. The other person feels like their front door is being kicked in. From that person’s perspective, there was no respectful invitation to sit on the front porch to work things through. Instead, they barge in unannounced. They have to control every conversation and situation, to the point where there’s no reasoning with them and – you saw this coming, didn’t you? – there’s no choice but to kick them to the curb.
The cycle continues. The war rages on. And the lawyers charge by the hour.
So here’s what you ask yourself if you’re in the middle of one of these situations. What are you doing to kick someone to the curb? Or what are you doing to barge in someone’s front door? How would you feel if someone did to you what you’re doing to them?
Believe me, there is a solution to your predicament. It can be found without spending thousands of dollars on legal fees and countless hours of sleepless nights. But it isn’t easy.
Invite your problem someone to sit on the front porch. Set the proper tone for your conversation. Demonstrate the respect that naturally comes from listening. Sip lemonade. Talk about goofy lawyers who write columns for the newspaper. And go home that night to a peaceful rest.
Life is good on the front porch. Every relationship wants and needs to prosper there.
Jeff Kirby’ss
a lawyer and writer who lives in Springboro. He can be reached at jeffkirby1@aol.com.