Instead of shutting down, Barnum reached out.
Encouraging veterans to seek help is essential to addressing the avalanche of PTSD cases resulting from America’s prolonged wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, said Blue Star Families, an organization formed to support military families.
The organization’s survey of military families in November 2011 found that 6 percent of those contacted listed the category of PTSD/traumatic brain injury/combat stress as their top family concern. Of those who reported that their military family member had exhibited symptoms of PTSD, 62 percent had not sought treatment, the survey found.
Barnum wishes a fellow Marine in his company had gotten treatment before committing suicide earlier this year. “None of us noticed any signs, and he didn’t reach out to us,” Barnum said. “That was hurtful. When one of our guys commits suicide, it’s a win for the enemy. By allowing those horrible experiences get to us, it’s just as if the enemy is taking our lives.”
Barnum, 24, got help after an incident at the 2009 Marine Ball took him back to a deadly suicide attack in Iraq. The attack, which was caught on security camera, was shown during a special tribute to the heroism of two fellow Marines — Lance Cpl. Jordan Haerter and Cpl. Jonathan Yale.
The two were standing guard at the entry to their platoon’s camp in Ramadi, Iraq, in April 2008 when the suicide bomber drove up at 7:30 a.m., his truck loaded with 2,000 pounds of explosives. The Marines shot and killed the driver, setting off an explosion that leveled a city block and sent both mortally wounded Marines to Barnum’s surgical unit. Yale was already dead; Haerter was dying, but the lives of countless slumbering Marines were spared.
A young soldier injured in the blast reached for Barnum and asked, “Doc, how are my friends doing?”
Barnum knew they had died, but couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t risk sending him into shock. “That still gets to me, because I knew what was ahead of him,” he recalled.
After watching the tribute, Barnum couldn’t hold onto the stoicism that had carried him through his two deployments. He broke down and left the ballroom for a while. His emotions were compounded by the fact that earlier that day, the Lima Company physician told him that he couldn’t deploy because of his PTSD. “That was my identity,” Barnum said. “If I wasn’t a corpsman in the Marines, who was I?”
The next Monday, one of his senior medical enlisted personnel met Barnum at the Dayton VA Medical Center. “He passed along the word that I was struggling and everyone reached out to me,” he said. “It started a big support system. Just reach out to someone and we’re there.”
Because of training he had received, Barnum first noticed PTSD symptoms — increased irritability, anger and nightmares — during his second deployment in 2008. He got help while still in Iraq. His symptoms persisted when he returned home, and he had trouble sleeping. He felt depressed, anxious and constantly on guard. “It can be stressful in the civilian world,” he said. “Even driving after coming back home is scary. Our nerves frayed, and civilian vehicles remind us of big heavy vehicle with guns on top. A lot of us get speeding tickets and get into wrecks.”
Barnum found help, first and foremost, through his treatments at the VA Medical Center, both through individual counseling and support groups. “It teaches me coping techniques to use and how to deal symptoms,” he said.
Because of his Christian faith, Barnum said he never contemplated suicide, but he believes he could have lost his life to the slow suicide of drinking if he hadn’t gotten help. “I was questioning God, asking why he could let this happen, and I was in pain because of that.”
The mother of his pastor at Berachah Baptist Church in Middletown, Laura Nell Farrell, saw the pain in his eyes and offered to study scripture with him. Farrell taught him “to let God take it away, and that our guys wouldn’t be forgotten. I thought I had to hold on to my painful memories and burdens so our guys wouldn’t be forgotten.”
His own story shows how important it is for friends and families to know the signs of PTSD and to pay close attention to returning combat veterans. “If you notice that someone is withdrawing or becoming irritable and angry, or isolating himself, that is a big issue,” Barnum said. “Talk with the person and ask him, ‘Are you doing OK?’”
Thanks to all the people who reached out to him, Barnum’s life is back on track. He has worked for three years as an ER health technician at the Cincinnati VA Medical Center. He is a divorced father of a 20-month-old son, Landon. “He gives me great joy in my life, and I have a purpose now,” he said.
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