Life
It sounded like the banking equivalent of the question, “Would you like fries with that?”
When my Social Security check arrived the other day, I raced to the bank to deposit it before Congress changed its mind. After the transaction had been completed, the teller asked:
“Would you like to rent a safe deposit box?”
“A what?” I replied, alertly.
“You know, a safe deposit box for your valuables. We’re running a special on them this month.”
“I don’t have any valuables,” I pointed out. “If I had valuables, I’d sell them to pay off my credit card bill.”
“How about photographs?” she persisted. “Wouldn’t you like to keep those safe?”
She had a point, there. I do worry, sometimes, about losing the three or four thousand photos of my grandchildren their parents email to me every week. Which is why I have prints of them safely stored in several grocery bags in the hall closet where we also keep other valuables such as extra rolls of paper towels and toilet paper. To store all those photos, I’d have to rent a safe deposit box the size of a Ryder truck.
I certainly can understand why my bank is running a special on safe deposit boxes this month, though. Bank revenues are down, government bailouts are harder to come by and it’s getting tougher for them to make ends meet by charging a mere $35 fee for a $10 overdraft.
But, somehow, I just don’t see myself as a “safe deposit box” person. Because according to every movie involving safe deposit boxes I’ve ever seen, they’re mainly rented by people hiding things from their spouses, money launderers, diamond thieves, international swindlers with Swiss bank accounts and assorted miscreants who have stashed crucial evidence in them that can’t be discovered without a court order.
Some people who aren’t necessarily criminals reportedly use safe deposit boxes to safeguard their valuable jewelry. But my valuable jewelry consists of a very nice watch given to me by my wife and a set of Cleveland Browns cufflinks from one of my sons.
Others store their stamp or coin collections in safe deposit boxes. But the only thing I’ve ever collected is spaghetti sauce recipes, and it seems awfully inconvenient to have to go to the bank anytime I want to cook up a batch of pasta bolognese.
Maybe I should have a safe deposit box to protect wills, insurance policies and financial instruments such as bearer bonds. If I ever get a bearer bond I’ll consider that.
For now, however, I’m going to try to get along without a safe deposit box. At least until I figure out how to become an international swindler.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.
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