A. Thanks for the question. Parents with adult children living at home often find themselves in awkward situations. The kids think that they are fully grown and should be able to do whatever they want whenever they want, and the parents usually come back with some version of, "You'll do what I say while you're under my roof!" Sound familiar?
The “Not Under My Roof” paradigm for use with adult children living in the house makes a lot of sense as long as the behaviors in question negatively affect the parents. That is a shift from what we do as parents of minors. Up until then, we allow what we know is best for the kid because they are kids, we love them, their brains don’t work very well, and we are legally responsible for them. Once a kid turns 18, we know that their brains are still only partially functional, but they are legally given almost all of the benefits of adulthood. At this point, we need to look at them for what they legally are: boarders. Any behavior that you would not allow from any person living in your house, you should not allow from your kid: loud music, possession of illegal drugs, waking you up drunk in the middle of the night, or generalized obnoxious behavior are cause for eviction for anyone living in your home, regardless of whether you are related to them.
As for your kid’s tattoo, he is an adult. If he wants to get a tattoo, and he pays for it, he can get a tattoo. “But,” you say, “Not while he’s under my roof!” To that I say that your adult son is going to get a tattoo. Does it matter if he gets it now or when he moves out in six months? Are you really going to throw your kid out of the house because he chose to put ink in his skin? The tattoo will only effect your kid, not his parents. Hopefully, his judgment is good enough that he will get a tattoo below the neck line and above the elbow. If he does, what’s the problem? Employers won’t see it, so what’s the big deal? Even if he gets Miley Cyrus’s face tattooed across his forehead, that ship is sailing, there’s nothing you can do about it and it only affects him, so why make it an issue?
Maybe if you “allow” him to get it, he might get a small, tasteful tat on his chest that says “MOM” instead of getting the words “DON’T HIRE ME” inked onto his knuckles.
About the Author